Focus of Reality

I've been rather out of it lately. I've shirked off so much school it's not even funny. I can't bring myself to get out of bed to face the day. I feel like I already know the material...or at least where it is headed. If I know where it is headed, surely I must know it already within me. I've been having more thoughts about attitudes and the human potential.

I had a dream the other night that I can't shake off. Ever since then it's almost been a unconscious battle between my conscious mind and subconscious; fighting for control of the realm of dreams. I can't recall the dream and what led up to the image that is seemingly burned into my consciousness. All I can picture is two spheres.

One sphere is larger than the other, almost triple or more in size. It is composed of many smaller translucent spheres that scintillate white and yellow lights. These spheres are connected by seemingly translucent and ethereal yet tangible paths between them. Some are free-moving, within its inner structure, making new paths and breaking old ones. Its entirety shimmers with brilliance.

The second sphere, connected by a faint aura between the two, is small and compact. It too radiates light but it is dull and red. Its spheres scintillate from opaque to translucent. It does nothing but shine its dull red light. This sphere, however, spoke to me. Perhaps not from it, but a projection of my subconscious to fill in the missing piece of the puzzle. All I was left with from this image was this: The focus of our conscious thoughts.

I don't know what it means, but I feel it important...or why else dream it? I firmly believe our subconscious intends to resolve cognitive dissonance within dreams. It allows for safe and nonjudgmental (at least from outsiders) experimentation of actions in the waking world. The subconscious itself prepares for the waking world, in a sense.

This dream, however, seemed to be a message. Not from some divine or transient experience...but from my own mind. Sounds crazy...but so does the idea of a conscious me and a subconscious me. Which one is more right? More sane? More me?

Today, however, I was pondering attitudes. From my own understanding of the material it seems that attitude is more of an approach to life than just an emotional state. Attitude seems to be how we respond to events in our life (at least ones which we are aware of). Attitude is malleable by inner conscious and subconscious forces but also by external influences such as cultural byproducts (e.g. music, movies, art, food, etc.)

Attitude, then, would seemingly be a dependent force of behavior. This seems apparent when one's attitude can influence your approach to a situation. At the same time, however, it would be prudent to say that behaviors can be attributed by a consistency in one's attitude. This would imply your life is what you make it. Your behaviors are your attitude and vice versa.

I also wonder of the dichotomy that exists between the mind and reality. How is it the mind is so seemingly infinite its imagination yet reality is so finite in its probability? Yet, again...this is only half-baked.