The Realization of I

I don't know what to think of these thoughts...a common theme in Social Psychology and any Social Theory I imagine. Questions seem to beget more questions. Who must I ask to verify these thoughts? I presume a Teacher but I am without one. I asked my Social Psych professor a seemingly simple question.

What happens if the I knows it's an I?

This, I thought, was a simple question. But the response wasn't very satisfying. So I began to think on it some more and I've come to this point:

In Social Psychology we are told to comprehend the ABC Triad. This concept, however, is not new to me. This was something intuitive in me a long time ago. I didn't have a way of describing it but I was aware of one thing: My I wasn't alone in this world.

The profoundness of this insight was lost on me then however, as I was nothing more than a chemical factory at work, delving into counter-cultures of New Ageism, and escaping through the imagination (through books, games, internet, etc). Hind sight, being the magnification of ill past events as it is (or in its aphorism: 20/20) in my Mind, it began to dawn on me. If I am aware (conscious) of other Is, as objects within my environment that I interact with, what are the behaviors of my own I within the situation based on that knowledge?

This scared me. I didn't understand it. I had begun a process of awakening. I began to doubt all my actions as being original. Unique. How did anything I do stand out from the crowd? What part of my identity was my own? Me? I?

Was I real? How could I know? I can't hear the voices of the other Is in their own dwellings in these masterless puppets before me. How could I know? I couldn't. This, coupled with my keen eye for repetition, saw cycles of repetitive behaviors. I feared a cycle of endless events of repetition. Was this reality?

Then I discovered Sociology. It told me that behaviors of people do, in fact, repeat themselves. This was pivotal in my current understandings of my Self and who my I truly was. It was my first verification that my reality was in fact shared by another I.

But this was just the tip of the ice-burg. Sociology taught me that what my reality was...wasn't the same for someone else. It whispered to me in the back of my mind that, what if my senses of things that were right and wrong, aesthetic and tasteless, impossible and reasonable, and a score of competing renditions of our shared reality...were an illusion constructed before me? Had I come to know Destiny? Were my behaviors truly the sum of my parts? Was everything simply a chain reaction orchestrated by biology? Questions beget more questions.

The illusion, I hope, will become dissolved as I learn more about Social Psychology. But my suspicion remains to be the same: I think, therefore I am. The deep realization of the inner consciousness. If the I is truly aware of itself, then it knows that the body (which limits its potential in key ways (which is our own understanding is finite), hosts the I and that its behaviors an expression of its will.

I submit to you this: What if the I actualizes itself above behavior and its physical limits? What does the I realize of its psyche? What does the I see of its actions? What does the I think of Destiny? This is the true self; the source of our true potential. But again...this is only half-baked.