East and West

I've had some curious thoughts lately. I don't know exactly what it all means. This change that I keep writing about is still going on...it's ongoing. I've been reading more of Nietzsche...it just seemed like the right thing to do. I've been reading The Birth of Tragedy, which is some heady stuff. I often go guessing what words mean and hope the sentence sinks in if I don't have a dictionary nearby. The things that I have comprehended so far are very illuminating.

It seems as if everything that I had been questioning in life is opening up to me now in my very hands. The thing is, I don't know how to accept it. The more I learn, the more my very being becomes unraveled and susceptible to scrutiny by my mind. The things which were familiar are not and yet at the same time closer to what they truly are.

My sister and I talked this morning which led to some interesting conversations. I had told her what I've been experiencing and she had brought to my attention Dissociation Disorder. I thought it odd that she should bring it up, so I had to look this disease up. To my surprise it fits exactly what I've been describing to people all this time.

Curiously enough the feelings which Nietzsche describes of the dichotomy of knowing one's nature and the act of individuation from the whole seems to align to this very disease. Even the first article which I had clicked on seemed to nod in Nietzsche's direction with metaphoric use of Pan and the confrontation of gaining true insight. The article was a synopsis of The Stranger in the Mirror which was fascinating in of itself.

Their use of Eastern thought to describe it brings a number of ideas as well, calling this experience Nityah-Samadhi or "cosmic consciousness". This brings me to the conclusion that to some degree there is overlap of natural and new age sciences. I think there may be something to this social psychology class that may give me more insight to these thoughts. If I do indeed have such a disorder, however, is it truly a state of disablement or waking state of mind at conflict with the world view and the tethers which keep it in place?